#1. Shut up.
#2. Seriously, shut up.
#3. Don't be afraid to remind your date, friend/s, family member/s, wife, husband, lover, mistress or those in the audience to… SHUT UP.
#5. If you can't find a babysitter – STAY HOME! Do not bring your child to the 10:00pm showing of a Rated R film.
#6. If you're single – DO NOT go to the 11:00am showing of the latest CGI/Animated film and then bitch afterward about all the kids making noise and running the aisles. Not only will you appear as someone who lacks common sense but you'll also come off as a douche.
#7. Do not talk on your cell phone! Turn the ringer off and keep it in your f*cking pocket!
#8. Get to the theater early if you have specific seats you would like to sit in.
#9. If you're late – DO NOT ask other patrons to move down! They got there on time to reserve their desired seats. YOU should've got there on time, a**hole!
#10. You're not slick – everybody knows the theater doesn't sell canned soda, chips (potato OR tortilla), Ho-Ho’s/Ding Dongs/Twinkies or chicken wings… Ya’ cheap bastard.
#11. Yes, the patrons know you’re high. It’s kind of hard to miss when you come in smelling like a Bob Marley tribute concert.
#12. If you're taller in stature or have punk-rock hair, an afro, an abnormally sized head or a general liking to oversized hats – sit in one of the back rows. Dick.
#13. If the theater is empty – there is absolutely NO reason why you should sit even remotely close to ANYONE. Dick.
#14. When going to the restroom or refilling your popcorn/refreshment – common courtesy is to slightly bend down when walking in front of the screen as to not interrupt others view of the picture.
#15. Keep your f*cking feet off peoples chairs!
#16. Don't kick the f*cking back of peoples chairs!
#17. In a packed theater – try at all costs to keep a single seat in between you and a stranger UNLESS it is a sold out show. Then there is nothing that can be done. Stop your bitching.
#18. When going to see a Slasher, Horror, Sexually Explicit or Controversial film; REST ASSURED that no one wants to hear your opinion or complaints about the excessive amount of blood, gore, murder, sexy sex, boobs, character depiction, judgments or theories.
#19. Shut up.
#20. Seriously, shut up.
Thank you very little.